– by faith –

I call this “The Odd Thanksgiving List” because these aren’t things people are typically grateful for. Hah, let me edit that—these are things I’m not typically grateful for. However, through the years I’ve learned to see these once upon a time annoyances as blessings in disguise. Why? Because it has stripped me of a good deal of selfishness and shallowness. It’s also allowed lots of growth in God that I would have never discovered if my life was smooth sailing. This thanksgiving I am thankful that:

• I don’t have everything I want or need – Some days I daydream about what it would be like to have absolutely everything my heart desired. I could jet set to Italy or have every item in the newest MAC Cosmetics collection. And then I realize that life would be pretty hum-drum if this was the case. Special things that we save up for like vacations, fine dining dinners, and other luxury items would seem, well, normal. We wouldn’t have much to save up for and look forward to.
• I have times of weakness – I had to think twice about this one. I think it’s safe to say that most of us don’t like feeling incapable. We want to do things on our own and achieve them with great success. In fact, many of us probably don’t like asking for help. In my weakness, I have learned set my pride aside and ask for help when I need and accept it without always thinking I owe them something in return. I’ve also learned to lean hard on God when I have absolutely no strength within me.
• I don’t get my way all the time – I’ve made some bad decisions and so I’m pretty glad that I don’t have my say-so’s when I say-so. There was the time I thought I was destined to be a journalist and gave my everything to become one—then realized it was one of the most time consuming and stressful careers that would keep me from family and friends. Then there was another time I thought I met “the one” and was angry at the Lord when he met someone else (he ended up not having very good values in life I would later learn). When God says no or wait—I think “Ok Lord, so what is the plan? Lead me there.”

This Thanksgiving, let’s revaluate the “negatives” in our lives and think outside the box of how God could be blessing you.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Always,

Faith

When I was younger I was terribly afraid of the dark. When I say “terribly” I really mean debilitating. For the life of me I could not sleep in a room by myself. I only found rest when my sister-roommate was in the same room ready to sleep. Needless to say, this fear did horrible things to my sleep. I always seemed to be groggy at school and am sure this was the start of my insomnia. See, my sister was a super-uber high school over achiever and usually slept late. I, on the other hand, was still a budding middle schooler in need of much sleep. It was a terrible mix for catching zzz’s.

Till this day I have no idea why I was so fearful. The first thing that comes to mind (as I try to think like my 12-year old self) was that I thought something horrible was going to get me… eat me… you get the gist either way I’d end up dead. What horrible thing you ask? Well, I don’t know something awfully horrible. I’m thinking maybe a hybrid between Freddie Kroger and the Sandman with gigantic claws waiting to get at me. Ahh!

The Question of Fear

It makes me wonder—why are we so fearful? Where does it come from? These are multi-faceted questions that I will ball up and answer in a nutshell based on my experience. Whether we’re old or young I think fear stems from three things:

• Being Alone – There’s no question that the thought of being alone when you’re already deathly scared feeds fear. In my case, when I was younger, I was scared of being alone in a dark room without someone to call for “back-up” just in case something happens. For some reason, I felt like there would be power if someone else were with me instead of weakness with just myself. When we’re older this fear of being alone could be from not being in a relationship and going through life’s struggles on your own. You could feel somewhat helpless as if you’re unable to deal with the tough stuff solo.
• Getting hurt – Sometimes the thing we face can end up getting us physically or mentally hurt and change our lives forever. This could be from of a decision you can make about your health, job, school, and so on. You may think this pain that you receive will leave you forever feeling defeated or regretful of the choices that you made.
• Failing – Ah yes, this is a big one for me. I fear of failing probably several times a day. This is mostly from not meeting an expectation or disappointing someone somehow. I’m pretty sure that this is the biggest part of fear. We fear that we won’t be able to overcome and succeed whatever we are trying to conquer–perhaps this could be a project, financial goal, or about your physical health.

Fear in the Bible

There were countless of figures in the bible that were fearful when faced with trouble or the unknown. First on my roster: Moses. Moses, I’m sure, shook like a leaf in a storm when he was in front of the Red Sea with the Egyptians closing in behind him (Exodus 14). Then there’s the Lord’s anointed one, David. This man had a target on his back, courtesy of King Saul, and tried with his might to run away from his spear to escape death (1 Samuel 19). Although, these two are great, my personal favorite fearful servant of God was Joshua. Joshua feared that merely marching his army around Jericho’s walls seven times wouldn’t cause it to fall and that his enemies would destroy him and his team. But in this crazy scary feeling the Lord told him to:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9

I adore this verse. Why? Because it commands, reminds, and gives hope. It commands that I be strong and courageous. It reminds me that I should not be afraid or discouraged. It gives me the peace and hope that God will be with me wherever I go in this journey of life.

Present Fears, Choices, and Outcomes

I currently am fearful of my bumpy road to recovery. The process isn’t going as quickly as I’d like and I’ve had a whole lot of setbacks that have sometimes left me feeling like dirt. Some days I feel alone—really alone—in this emotional and physical battle I’m in. It’s as if no one understands the invisible, sometimes unspeakable, aching pain I go through. There are days where I do give up and think, “For the life of me I cannot breath! If this panic attack and racing heart are going to bring me to you Lord then so be it! I’m coming!” with hot tears rolling down my face. Then I think of family and friends that would probably miss me if I’m gone—and so I feel like I need to keep fighting to get better and remind myself that I need to daily renew my hope and trust in God.

Like my last post, I am now a converted believer in choices. With most of life’s struggles, we have some power to choose how we are going to react to what is thrown at us. Personally, I can either give up on trying to succeed and learn from my health issues–but something inside me tells me that I ultimately shouldn’t. That my greatest ministry, like some of the greatest stories in the bible, will not come from happy stories. They will come from tales of gut wrenching fear, life-changing mistakes, and unimaginable pain, pain, pain. These are the stories that will give us the power to help others overcome and make us realize that we aren’t alone in this world, that we won’t get hurt without good reason, and that we won’t fail with God’s power and guidance.

P.S.

Just in case you were wondering what the outcomes of Moses, David, and Joshua were:

• The Lord put his hand over the mighty Red Sea and parted it for the Israelites to go through and get to safety.
•  The Lord protected David by sending Jonathan to help him hide in the field away from Saul’s wrath.
• The Lord sent the Walls of Jericho crashing down after Joshua and his army’s seventh lap around.

So fear, take that.

Always,

Faith